Where Do You Need Some Breathing Room?

So again I am on an Andy Stanley kick and have started a series of his called "Breathing Room". In this time we are consistently bombarded with people trying to get a hold of us, through phone call, messaging, email, facebook, twitter, facetime...you get it, but we are so easily accessible now. We need to have calendars, diaries and schedules in order to manage our time. We push ourselves right to the limit of what we are capable of and more. But by pushing ourselves so much, we put the quantity over the quality, so we may be at the event but is all of us really there? we may have done all the work but we missed out on spending time with the people we love and as a result are worn out because we never got time with our support system.

God knows what we need (Matthew 6:32), He knows our limits, and He knows fine rightly that we have the ability to run ourselves into the ground. If any of you know me personally you'll know that I sometimes have the tendency to do this. I push myself too far, stretch myself too thin and often forget just to take time out and be still. So through this series I am going to make some small changes:

1) Social Media: deleting the twitter and facebook app (toooo accessible), only going online after 10pm.
2) Taking a Sabbath: Saturday or Sunday, no work, and filling it with the right stuff instead
3) When I am with friends, make sure I am fully there: not taking my phone out and resisting the temptation to think about other things I should be doing instead.
4) Taking time out every night: sit down with a coffee or tea or something (like a proper old woman) and read, think, journal or listen to something positive.
5) Start and end my day with The Bible and journalling: I was once told "Victoria... no Bible no breakfast, no Bible no bed" Even though I have heard it a million times, this time I want to try and start and stick to it.
6) Deepening friendships; really digging deep, asking questions, getting beyond surface level.

We need breathing space, sometimes I trick myself into thinking its selfish to want time just to focus on yourself, but its a human need, if we really want to radiate Christ we need to spend time away to gather our own thoughts and spend time with Him. Jesus often left his disciples and followers and went off and prayed, and that was Jesus! Mr. Patient Himself. My patience doesn't even touch close to Jesus', I can't even stand in a line in the dining hall in school without get frustrated after like 2 minutes and then I go off somewhere else, when I was driving I would rather drive 20 miles non stop than 10 in traffic. So we need time to just breathe and just ... be. I'm super excited about this series and I would definitely recommend checking it out here

CCU Collide

This weekend we had like 600 high school students stay at CCU. They were here for a weekend ski retreat and some had travelled for hours to get here. Some of us at CCU worked it and I can honestly tell you that the atmosphere on this campus was incredible! I think that for so many CCU students it was a well needed reminder of why we came here in the first place; to tell people about Jesus and to be able to share with them what living a life for Jesus looks like. Our part was not to preach at them this weekend, our job was to serve them in anyway we could. From hosting them in our rooms to singing karaoke with them, we were here to entertain and just show them the fun and joy that can be had by those who band together and follow Christ. The teenagers had a blast and just seeing them affected by the talks, talking amongst themselves about it or worshipping... there are no words to describe it. One of my favorite things to do during worship is to open my eyes for a bit and just look around me, at strangers, kids, friends, all worshipping the same God, some seated, some with eyes closed, some with hands raised, just seeing them so moved brings thee biggest smile to my face and I cant describe it.

The talks were honest, telling us the importance of not just answering God's call but actually doing something once we put the phone down. The speaker was emphasizing how an inward stirring leads to an outward seeking, what is stirring in us? What are we immersing our thoughts in and thinking about? The speaker also talked about how every revolution was started with high school and college aged people, and when he attends these retreats and he sees people worshipping and singing things about laying their lives down and dedicating them to God, he just thinks to himself "I pray five people actually mean it...because five people could change the world". Thats conviction. How crazy it would be if we actually meant the words we sang right? Please pray that when these kids return home, they spiritual high doesn't just dwindle, that they are inspired to act, not just to put down the phone and forget it even happened.

A Little One For The Ladies

This is my friend Emilee's blog, she recently posted about relationships and I just believe so many girls could learn from her awesome and godly example here. I met Emilee briefly when I had just come to the states back in 2009, she was so strong in her faith then and to see how she has grown since then is incredible! Please take a read at her story...

When You're Told Exactly What You Need To Hear

My friend gave me this verse and with the whole Gods plan vs Freewill thing I feel this related perfectly. God is beyond any choice I will make. He is way bigger than me or my decisions. Regardless of what I choose, as long as I'm focused on Him, God will be right here with me, the relief from this is unbelievable. Whether I choose left or right, one decision or the other, as long as I'm seeking God and honoring Him, basing my decisions on Him and not me, then I will be just fine :)

Who Do You Think You Are?

So my friend Bekah bought me this book for Christmas. She told me about it when she ordered it and told me that she really believed it would teach me something. Well she gave it to me Thursday and I just started it last night. This book is written by Mark Driscoll and so far its really great! Mark's whole basis for this book is that there is an identity crisis going on, it has always been going on and we need to address it or it effects every sector of our lives.

What caused Adam and Eve to sin was that they didn't have a firm grasp of their identity in God, in what God thought of them and the implications this had on them. When they lost this grasp of their purpose and the God they followed, they feel quick to temptation and so is our history. But we do the same, losing our identity in Christ makes us fall to temptation so much easier because we settle. We try to form an identity everyday; whether its through friends, relationships, clothes, music, where we hangout, the list is endless. Rather than filling our identity with Christ we try, well, everything else. God made nothing else in His image other than us. Nothing. Mark is taking it right back, saying that we cant seek our identity in what we do, who we are with, who we think we are, etc

"When we reflect something of God with our heads, hearts, and hands out of love for Him and others, we do what we are created for" - Mark Driscoll

Everyday we try and construct an identity for ourselves while forgetting about the one God has already given us. We were created for worship because in the eyes of God our choices, values, words, actions, and thoughts are all acts of worship; which make up our identity. Instead we project the desired image we want onto the people around us, but without this solid foundation we often become lost and question this identity which we have founded on rocky ground. If we don't have a solid idea of who we are in Christ or who we are at all then we can easily give way to peer pressure, people pleasing, codependency and fear of those around us. But then, others are dictating to us what our identity is and we use them to fulfill our need to belong, be liked or be desired. 

"My identity is in/through/because of Jesus, and applying it to my life"

Not having a firm grasp of our identities can lead in disastrous directions. When we turn to seeking our own individual identities it results in repeating the same painful process over and over again without getting satisfying results. This can result in moving from one addiction and compulsion to another, one religious commitment to another, and one relationship to another, and each time it ends with the question... "Who even am I?". This is one of those books which screams out at you saying "AHHH READ THIS BECAUSE ITS ABOUT YOU!", well thats what I took from it. 

Something Mark also addressed was how we can't form our identity on the person we are going to be, we cannot live for the future in this way because our identity will always be out there rather than in the present secured by Jesus. Our efforts should not be so focused on the future and our efforts that we forget about Christ today; who He will make us, what He will have us do and what He will give us tomorrow. 

Too often I live in the future, worry about it, stress over it, worry that decisions I make now will result in drastically effecting my future in a negative way. But I cant live this way. I stress so much between two images of myself; Vikki in Ireland and Vikki in America, and I don't know which one is the one I want to roll with after I graduate but again this is wrong, I'm withholding my identity until that degree is in my hand. Its so easy for us to think of our identity as being us with frills on; like our identity will consist of what our degree is, who we are married to, the house we live in, our hobbies etc etc but what it comes down to at the end of the day is that our identity is our relationship with Jesus Christ, how He views us and having a firm knowledge of what this is... will determine how we live out the rest of our lives. 

For right now, I need to remind myself daily that the most important ground is that right below my feet, that my mission field is whats right under me and the people who are around me at that time. I have searched for my identity in all the wrong places, Ive tried defining it on where I live, my friends, clothes, music, the list goes on. But now I'm going to find it in the right place, which was there all along. 

Learning about God in Gladiator, 300 and Eagle

So like I said in my last post, I am in Greek and Roman History all week. And as we work through each time period we learn just how this area of the world was basically being moulded the entire time so that it could accommodate the word of Christ. Its so incredible to see how each historical event would benefit the word of Christ and the message of His resurrection. For example, the road systems developed by the Romans made trading and correspondence between cities more accessible, this also played a part in the message of the gospel spreading. Alexander the Great conquered half the western world tying them together and also paving the way for the gospel to spread quickly across it, from the dawn of time God was in control of history and was shaping and moulding it so that it could rightly accommodate His son.  How incredible! When we read the Bible we know that God had his hand over the events in that but its so easy to forget that he was orchestrating everything around it. He has went into every fine detail, and its so incredible to look back and see! But the God who orchestrated all of history and the Bible still works actively today, in our lives, wanting the best for us and has paved ways for us to do insane things for Him! I can literally tell you that I never thought I would study Ministry, that I would move at 18 to another country and would love it! When I think about what direction God may send me in the future, the crazy adventures He will set me out on, I cant help but get so excited! I know God is a God of surprises and I cannot wait to see how God is going to orchestrate my future and the beauty that will come from the details :)

Being Back!

So I included this picture which my best friend took when I was mid laugh in another conversation but I think it perfectly sums up how these last few days have been. This week I am in an early week class where I am cramming lectures from a whole semester into just one week, but this is good because then I have the majority of work done before I even enter the rest of the semester. I am taking Greek and Roman history from 9am to 5pm all this week which consists of also watching 300 and Gladiator in class, whilst fighting the urge of jumping out of my chair, yelling "FORRR SPARTTTAAA!" and running out of the room.

But in amongst all the classes I am catching up with friends and just having a general laugh. I literally have laughed the majority of time since I have been back. This is one of the priceless treasures of being amongst a community of believers, I cannot tell you how blessed I am to be at CCU. To travel 4000 miles and be with people who have such a genuine care for you? It can only be the power of the family of Christ. Last semester I really doubted whether I should be here, whether I should be studying Ministry. It all just seemed so fragile to me, that I was investing so much into here yet in 2015 I will have to leave it all behind, and I'll come out with a degree where I have no idea where it will take me. It was a really rough semester for me, but one that I have certainly learned from and needed to happen. Even when I went home at Christmas I doubted whether I should come back.

But I am 100% supposed to be here. And I am so excited about knowing that. God is going to do insane things before I graduate here, He is going to open doors which I never knew existed and show me experiences I never thought I would have. I never thought I would find a family in another continent who I could care for so much, these people are my brothers and sisters and daily they try to encourage me to just be the person I was intended to be. Guys, I have learned what true joy is from these people, and I will never be able to thank them enough. This part of my life is most definitely a phase where I have to trust and have patience. I literally have no idea what direction my life could turn; american or ireland, ministry opportunities, travel, my dreams, I have no idea but how much of a blessing this is! The fact that all these doors are open in front of me right now! I am learning so much here, my classes are incredible but the most I am learning is from the people around me, the experiences I am having and I cannot wait to see the woman God will mould me into before I walk across that stage and take my degree :)

The Prayer of Contentment

Hopped Off the Plane at ...O'Hare

So I am currently at O'Hare airport in Chicago. I will be flying back to Cincinnati in roughly one hour and Im pumped. Its going to be so good getting back into routine again and I really do miss that crazy CCU family of mine. What was super cool about my flight from Dublin to Chicago was that my friend Johannes from Germany was also on it. Getting into the departure lounge and seeing a familiar face after all the goodbyes was such a blessing. Saying goodbye to my Dad and brother was super rough. I held it all in with my Dad until I got past security and when I was about to have a proper cry, this rasping old woman came up to me and said "love, could you help me through here?" , so I made a friend. We did security and laughed at how inappropriate it feels to put your belt on in public etc etc. She was heading to Boston and was rather excited about the pub scene there. We said our goodbyes and then I met Johannes. I was row 13 and Johannes row 14, but before we got on the plane Johannes kept commenting on how we were seated so far apart, I replied with "Johannes, you could be seated next to the woman of your dreams, and I could have an entire row to myself and it'll be beautiful".

Vikki Smyth, has called a couple things before :) Anyway, I got on the plane, and I was seated beside babies. Now in any other social situation this is cool. But babies on planes mean screaming the entire way across the atlantic ocean. Johannes partner was not yet there. When I was beginning to doubt my idea, the air stewardess approached the family and asked them if they would like the free row only two rows down from us, the mother looked to me and said "well actually could you offer this girl that row? it would be handier if we had her seat", happily I moved down, appreciative of the legroom for the next 8 hours. A 5'10" girl needs her legroom. As I made my way down the plane I witnessed the lovely Johannes speaking to his new found friend who had just taken her seat, a pretty french girl and guess what friends? Johannes knows french. So we sat for 8 hours, as Johannes spoke the majority of the flight with this cute girl and I lounged in my free row (actually a guy joined me because he didnt want to be around the screaming children but we both had two seats and didnt talk much) watching the new Batman which was INCREDIBLE! I also began to watch a One Direction documentary but felt heavily judged and even felt I had reached a new low so I quickly cancelled it.

As I sit in Chicago I am so incredibly excited to see everyone in Cinci, I just have a really cool feeling about this semester. I am so excited to see how God is going to show up.

'See you...in a year'

So any of you readers who know me know that I don't do goodbyes. Like not at all. I will literally run a mile (and I despise running) so that I don't have to say those dreaded words...For me I would rather do a quick 'see ya' and run for the hills, maybe sob a little on my way there. Today I went to visit my friend Jayne while I was in Belfast. While we were waiting at the bus stop waiting on my bus home and she turned to me and said 'Vikki...I am not going to see you for a whole year'. Usually, this is when I would grab my bag and head for the hills which I previously talked about but instead I responded to her 'Jayne it will be exciting!'. You are probably wondering why I have such an odd definition of excitement. But this is why. I explained to Jayne, that over the next year I had the best motivation to really strive for more. Being away for a year I could return in Ireland next Christmas one step closer to the person God intends me to be. You could say that it gives me something to work towards, a deadline I guess. I like the shock factor too and believe me nothing would be more exciting for me than to step foot back on this island a different girl. I am not saying I want to be different but I want 2013 to really make me grow in so many ways that people will notice a difference and will question me as to why. God has totally worked in my life since I moved to CCU, people see a change in me from then but next Christmas I would love to get off that plane, and really show how taking a year and seeking Him wholeheartedly can really change someone. I am a total slacker and in so many ways I don't feel I am where I should be, not in location but spiritually, emotionally and physically. This year I really want to get my head down and work on my character. I want 2013 to be the year I pushed boundaries, chased after dreams, lived one day at a time and did it all for the glory of Christ. I want to grow and be challenged. People, my dreams are huge but the person I am now can't achieve them, that person needs a lot more growth and maturity. Its known that good things don't come easy. This wont be easy, I will have to put a lot of work in. But the motivation I have is when I say goodbye to the people I love here, its not a goodbye, but a promise that I will come back, and that after spending a year really diving in and seeking God that maybe they will understand why I left and will be able to see Him in me. On Friday I am leaving, and as hard as it will be, the minute my plane gets off the ground I will be thinking 'Bye Ireland, but when I land here again, a different girl will get off this plane'

Old Homeboy Here

After reading my last post one of my really close friends sent me this quote from C.S.Lewis. I believe it's taken from his book "Mere Christianity", I am not going to take C.S.Lewis as gospel and will certainly look more into this asking people I respect for advice and of course looking biblically into it. But C. S. Lewis was a great and godly man who wrote so much incredible works based upon Christianity. C. S. Lewis obviously respects the ultimate holiness of God and the all knowing aspect of God. But does Lewis discredit freewill altogether? Looks like I will be reading Mere Christianity again this year...

I Fell In Love This Christmas

            So as a lot of you all know I came back to Ireland for Christmas and my trip is nearly coming to an end. I still have a week though and I refuse to see it as a ticking time bomb, I want to make the absolute most of the rest of my trip. I go through the same routine every time I come home, I come home thinking there is nothing for me here, that nothing here ever changes and that America is home now. But within a few days of dedicating my life to the states I start meeting up with people, seeing around the absolutely gorgeous country I live in and fall in love all over again. This is the only place I have ever truly known and so many of the people I truly love are here. It will always be home. But the exact same thing happens when I get back to the states, I see friends and people I count as family and sometimes its difficult not to plan a life there. In terms of ministry I have such vision here, this is just such an inspiring place, but I see so many opportunities in the states too. As you can probably tell it seems my heart is split and I have one foot in Ireland and one in Cincinnati. One foot in home, where even though its where I grew up I am no longer connected to it because I live in the states and another in Cincinnati USA where no matter how much I love it or how long I spend there I will always be a foreigner. 

Something I have been battling with over this past semester is the Freewill vs. God's plan idea. Is life utterly free choice or is our life a check list which we have to follow or else we become outside of God's will. This is something I have been asking a lot of my friends about since I have been back and it is something I will be taking back to Cinci to ask friends and professors there. You could say this fascination has come from knowing whether I actually have a choice in whether I can stay in the states, or move back. I believe that we do have a freewill but that God has an incredible plan. I believe that God wants us to choose certain things but I know He isn't the person to look over our shoulders and say we should've chosen option C instead. I know that I can make a really cool impact on the Kingdom but I have to make good decisions but I also know that I am small and insignificant in the scale of things and that God is so big that He can work through mistakes and surely my decisions don't limit Him in any way...see my predicament? If you have anything cool on this, or have read some books on it, please let me know on vikki.smyth@ccuniversity.edu

I have no idea where I will go after graduation but I have decided that I have two and a half years and I don't even need to worry about it. I have decided that every time I do get unsettled or worried about my future I will make myself read Matthew 6:25-34 and remember not to worry about tomorrow because tomorrow will worry about itself. I have to be open to what God has for me in the next two and a half years, I cannot put my life on hold and I am not in any place to shut any doors. I guess you are thinking that basically I want to live a Carpe Diem or YOLO lifestyle and to an extent this is true. I was never promised that I would understand this life or that it would be clear cut but I know that wherever I am I need to be there 100% and devote myself to wherever I am entirely. I want 2013 to be an exciting year, I want to do crazy things, and become a step closer to the woman I want to be. 

But enough of this... Heres some pictures of the beautiful place where I am today...

The Giant's Causeway :) 

Dunluce Castle :)

 The North Coast 

On a really cool note, I never thought anyone from my school would every sleep over at my house (given that I go to school 4000 miles away) but my friend Leslie came to stay with me over the past week! She was doing an internship in England and came over to spend New Years with me! I have to say, this girl is one of the most encouraging people in my life and I am so thankful for her! I really missed the talks we would have at school and we never got to sleep before 1am when she was staying! She is doing truly awesome things through Rain Ministries and the Greenhouse Project in England. Being home has made me realize the incredible people I have in my life and how incredibly encouraging they all are. How could I want anything else? I have an incredible family, brilliant and encouraging friends and a God who promises never to leave, always to love and wants the best for me in every given situation. 

I guess the reason I love this place is because it reminds me of how truly blessed I am.