11. Read 20 books which have been strongly recommended by friends: Redeeming Love

My friend Elyse recommended that I read Redeeming Love, a novel by Francine Rivers. This novel is based upon the book of Hosea and attempts to portray the redeeming love which God shows towards all of mankind. Rivers does this through the story of Sarah (or Angel as she is also known), a girl who at the age of 8 is sold into prostitution and remains there till the age of 18 or 19. Then she is rescued by the godly Michael Hosea who sweeps her off and marries her even though she despises him at this point. Throughout the book we see Sarah's walls break down and her heart soften, by the end of the book she is not the cold-hearted girl who hates the world and trusts no one in it. By the end she has come to know God, her heart softens and is utterly transformed and she falls completely in love with her husband.

Originally I was skeptical about reading this novel, it was a fiction novel which seemed to be based on a soppy love story. But the story is raw and real, and shows so accurately a lot of how the female mind is put together. You can totally relate, not to Angels position (as a prostitute), but often to Angel's heart. She has put up so many barriers but shows that there is great strength to be found in vulnerability. She shows the beauty that is found in a loving heart and the great beauty which is discovered in simplicity. This is an incredible book for girls and young women everywhere who can see God's love through example and see how it is intended to be. It may even be a good read for guys too, Michael Hosea appears as a really godly guy. I am not by any means saying "every man should be Michael Hosea. He is apparently gorgeous, and loves God, read this men and follow his example", I am not saying this at all. But I am saying I think this book is a good insight for men and women and there are things within it that could really teach someone a lesson or give someone something to think about, from at least one part of the book. Not only will you learn about your own gender but will get a little insight into the other.

This was such a great read and I would definitely recommend this book. Don't just read a section of it because you will not get the full effect of what the book intends to teach. how the reader contrasts the character of Angel at the start and how she develops into Sarah at the end is utterly breathtaking. She sets a great example of how transforming the love of God is and how it can work, it teaches Christians that they should be showing this transforming love to others and although Angel does not get up at the end of the book and preach a sermon, what she preaches through her actions and character through the entire book is one of the most effective ways in which to show the amazing freedom that comes through letting your guard down and letting people truly come in. I know I have certainly learned a lot from it, in terms of human character, female character, relationships, marriage, human trafficking and the terrible effects of it, psychological effects of events and God too. It has shown me that I myself have put up barriers in my life and there is a quote in this when Miriam says to Angel that we sometimes hurt ourselves more whenever we are trying to protect ourselves from being hurt than we actually do if we are hurt directly. Sometimes when we think that we are playing it safe we really aren't at all. The way to truly guard your heart is not by putting up walls but by making sure that your relationship with God is ultimately the highest relationship and the biggest priority, if you are truly in love with Him nothing can hurt you. I have taken so much from this book that I did not expect and I could not be more thankful that someone recommended me it, it has honestly changed my thinking and I will ensure that I read once every few years so that I do not forget what it has taught me. Read this, honestly, I wouldn't recommend it if it wasn't worth it. Read this story of transformation and let it transform you, if only in a small way.

19 Before 20

Well this seems to be what I have come up with and starting from when I hit "publish" on this post...

1. Make a conscious effort to be yourself in absolutely every situation. And spend every day trying to find out who that person truly is.

2. Experiment more: whether this be in hair, clothes, movies, hobbies. Try something new every week.

3. Lose 20 pounds.

4. Spend 20 minutes a day reading your Bible.

5. Write something once a week which you don't have to.

6. Once a month get all dressed up and just go somewhere, anywhere.

7. Write a list of 20 things that you are thankful for each day.

8. Don't procrastinate. If something needs done, do it asap.

9. Run a 10k.

10. Discover which book of the Bible means the most to you and why.

11. Read 20 books which have been strongly recommended by friends.

12. Get American drivers license.

13. Fill a sketchbook.

14. Have a day utterly devoted to childhood before you kiss goodbye to your teenage years.

15. Spend one night under the stars.

16. Have a conversation with a new person every week.

17. Commit to praying for 20 big things to happen with a due date of 29th May.

18. Write more letters.

19. Spend 20 minutes a day just thinking (set list of things to think about each day).

These may not seem groundbreaking to you, but the effects of them could be...and GO.

Weirdly Encouraging

This is my Uncle Tot, after this picture was taken he looked at me and said "wow Vik, Im actually happy in this one, you should come hom emore often, you're like a ...Jesus Bear". It was probably one of the most weirdly encouraging things I have ever heard, love this guy so much. He is my Dad's youngest brother and I am the oldest grandchild so we kind of have this odd bond haha

SURPRISE

So I am back in Northern Ireland. After 2 flight cancellations, a 12 hour lay over, a 7 hour flight and a two hour drive I walked into to my house telling my Father to put the heating on (it was FREEZING) to which he stood shocked and then replied "you sneaky little..."...it was WONDERFUL. One thing you may not know about me is I love surprises and I love being the person people cannot guess. People rarely can pull one on me, but I have become quite the master. The entire day consisted of driving round to all my family and surprising them which was so cool. I had the tickets from October and thankfully no one here had ANY idea. Being home has been interesting, especially in the current social situation of Northern Ireland. If you are up to date with the BBC news then you will know that some members of the community are in uproar about a flag situation in Belfast, but this situation has opened an entire can of worms which Northern Ireland has buried instead of facing front on. Conflict is at a height and it has many of us praying that the troubles will not return to our small province. Frankly, the entire situation is, well, ridiculous.

The time has come that Northern Ireland needs to draw a line, and move on. This is so much easier said than done, and I understand that it will not just happen over night. So many people have lost people who they loved dearly in this fighting and I understand they will not want them to die for a lost cause, but we cannot let this behavior multiply again. Northern Ireland is suppose to be the place that will take the longest to recover from recession. Our tourism is going to plummet because the media are all over this and why would people see this as a nice place to go for a holiday? My generation is already becoming known as the generation to leave, with myself, I have friends who have left to America, Canada, New Zealand and Australia, among any others. This cannot go on any longer, in a conversation with my Dad he said its been the same ever since he was born...in 1970...that's 42 years of this. So many of us are just down right tired of this. There's no time for it anymore, there is no place for this bigotry in society any more. More people will leave, and if jobs even do come, there will be nobody to take them, recession will remain and Northern Ireland will be sorry for the day they took it too far yet again. Protestant and Catholic mean something totally different now and in a conversation with two of my closest friends we have decided to reply to the question "Are you Catholic or Protestant?" with "I'm neither...I'm a Christian" just because of the way in which our society has turned.

This trip will be filled with conversation about the current state of Northern Ireland and different views people hold, which are huge and there is such variety. But there comes a time and place when a line needs drawn and people need to work together and in this time and place this seems like a romantic fantasy.

Andy Stanley Kick...Actually Getting Round to It

      Last night myself and four other friends watched a movie. After the movie one of them went to bed and the rest of us sat up talking and it turned into a guys and girls panel. Those of us who were left were my friend Lisa, J.L, DJ and myself. Suddenly it had turned into them asking us questions and we would ask them some, though to be honest I let lisa ask them while I observed, most of them were circled around relationships and guy/girl interactions. Me and lisa had a lot of different answers on things which was great because it shows how different we all think and it provided various insights for the two boys. We sat up super late and I continued to think about it all even after everyone left. The entire conversation just really stirred up something in me and reminded me of a series which friends had recommended to me long ago, even though I only got through half of it then forgot. Today I watched all four sermons of the series of Andy Stanley's "The New Rules for love, Sex and Dating". And I am so happy I finished it and re-watched the ones I had already seen.

      Andy isn't going to provide you with deep theological insights but he will tell you the things you should know and the things which are often just taken as granted and so many don't communicate and have to learn the hard way. Andy's main motto in relation to dating and relationships is "become the person who you are looking for, is looking for". Not too groundbreaking but it makes a lot of sense. He also is known for giving the idea of setting aside one year in which to not allow yourself to date and to focus on becoming that person. When I watched half this series last year I decided to do this because, well, a lot of my friends had and it seemed like a good idea. A few months later I would start talking to a guy but that didn't work out and it was totally for the best on each of our parts. What I realized about many who took the challenge was that they were so focused upon trying not to date for a year that they forgot that they needed to be focused on becoming the person who the person they wanted to attract would be interested in. Suddenly the year would be over and they would begin yet another relationship which proved unsuccessful since they didn't focus on their own self during this time of not dating.

       Not I am not bashing Andy's recommendation. Not at all, in fact it has proved so valuable to so many people which he shows through the series. But I took a very different lesson from it. A lot of girls think that of they take the year off then they will suddenly meet their knight in shining armor at the other end, but yet they haven't spend the year really trying to deal with their own character and the person who they want to become and thus the person they want to attract. I realized through re-watching this series that I didn't need to take a year off because if I wasn't truly focusing on becoming a person who the person I am looking for is looking for then what is even the point? And also why was I taking a break from something I didn't even really start haha

The Most Important Lesson

The very last sermon did the most for me. Andy Stanley talked about the implication of everything which he talked about. 

         When you approach a relationship, its so important to guard your heart, you have heard this probably one million and one times, but how do we do this? We heard so much about it yet what have we been told in order to carry that out? First of all, look at Proverbs 14:15, "the simple believe anything but the prudent give thought to their steps", Andy recommends that rather than focusing on the promises which your dating partner, boyfriend/girlfriend gives, the past is always a better indicator than the promises that they will give you. We all have a past and we must forgive but pay attention to their traits, the things they continue to do over and over. 

        Heres 6 things which Andy recommended in his last sermon that we should pay special consideration to in regards to dating and marriage and the approach to take. 

   1. Address Unresolved Child Issues: 

            If you want to attempt to approach intimacy you need to approach it as a whole person. Don't believe what Andy describes as the "right person myth", don't think that when you meet the right person suddenly everything makes sense and works...because it wont. Anything from your past will creep up in your future but I will talk about this in another bit, so hold on there. This one is a bigee. 

   2. Ladies this one is for you 

          Do not dress like a commodity and do not tolerate a guy who treats you like one. If a guy dates you like one, he will marry you like one. Andy uses the analogy of a fisherman who will bait his hook depending on what he wants to catch and if you are fishing with your body, don't expect that the right guy will catch you. I really don;t like when girls say "gahh guys are all the same blah blah blah", eh false, all the guys you date are the same, all the guys who ask you out are the same, and what is the common denominator in all those relationships? yea...you...ouch. Ladies please just look inside yourselves, be the person who the person you want to attract is looking for. 

   3. Get out of debt. 

          You can get out quicker as a single than a married person. Small thing here but has huge effects. you don't want to create a trend by entering into a marriage with debt. 

    4. Marriage does not solve problems. 

           The good becomes better but the bad becomes worse. Try and break the bad habits before you even contemplate marriage and any guy or gal that says "oh but you'll be able to help me when we are married"..NO AND RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! You do not need to prop up your significant other, that is not your place at an early point in a relationship, and I know that sounds harsh but this is not just for your benefit but theirs too. They need to learn to rely on the right people or this could lead to further hurt later on. Everything gets more complicated when you get married. Andy claims that whatever the issues is that within 6 months of marriage, the spouses problem suddenly becomes YOUR fault. 

   5. Postpone the physical as long as possible. 

          Two world views. Women: want to know he is coming back. Men: thinking the physical didn't match up to his expectations, may end relationship prematurely because the physical didn't mean anything since they hadn't established an emotional relationship. You are looking for and deserve "the one"... not everyone. Andy suggests that you should put off the physical to the point where the other person wonders if you even think or are interested in that. Self control before marriage will encourage self control in marriage. Date someone with self control because again this past is a good indicator for the future. 

   6. Go to the right places to meet the right people. 

          Do things which support the way you want to live and you will meet the right people. This isn't something you should rely on but if you are looking for someone who will be on a similar path to you this is the best way. 

You can check out his series here : http://www.northpoint.org/messages/the-new-rules-for-love-sex-and-dating

Thee Best and Biggest Lesson I learned

I told you I would come back to this one. Ok so I said a bigee up there about dealing with unresolved child issues. This one was something that hit home for me, and Andy acknowledges that you cant just tell someone "yes ...your past...hmmm yea you should sort that out so you aren't considered as having baggage...unattractive much?"...It's big, so Andy directs you to a teaching called "Boy meets Girl" by Louie Giglio and let me tell you this is the single best sermon that I have ever heard. Its one hour long but is totally worth every second. 

WATCH THIS IF YOU LISTEN TO NOTHING I SAY EVER. 

http://www.passioncitychurch.com/watch/#PCC-040112-V1

So how do you deal with baggage; with having it, yet not bringing it round with you? He answers this. 

To describe this he uses a chest of 5 drawers to represent our "baggage". Each drawer represents different issues which could count as baggage. 

1. The first drawer...Generational Sin

        We are all born into sin. And in so many cases what caught up our parents will catch up on us, but so often we over-think this; we think that we are destined for the same fate as them, will suffer same problems and result as a copy. 

2. The second drawer...Abandonment. 

         Divorce, distance, disinterest, death. The treatment we received from our parents sticks with us. They can often make us feel abandoned. And you may always yearn for their acceptance even when they are long gone, and you seek it every day yet find it in no other individual. We either cling to others looking for this or we put up every wall imaginable and vow it will never happen again.

3. The third drawer... Enabling parents. 

          Some of us were given too many boundaries and others not enough. What does this show about our parents and how they loved us?

4. The fourth drawer... Performance based acceptance. 

          Some of us only heard I love you as a conditional statement or the beginning of a sentence rather than that being the entire sentence. 

5. The fifth drawer... Abuse 

          Whether this was sexual, physical, emotional, any form. You need to walk down that aisle or stand at the end of it knowing you trust the other. 

These five things encapsulate a lot of the baggage which people carry and so many people can relate to at least one of them. But healing can happen, through Christ miracles happen and although you may think that you just have to accept things the way they are, miracles happen and they happen through Jesus and the cross. Jesus took every one of these drawers on the cross, He understands. But know that although forgiveness to the people who did this to you seems hard, it is possible with Him. He forgave us, and we need to pass that on and who are we to judge and punish when these people are being punished by their own lives enough. 

When you make that decision to marry I hope that you are able to say "I do, and I am free". Through Christ we have a new DNA, we can make peach with the past and can enter the family of God as His child. We will still have the traits as our parents, both physically and similar character traits. Louie then took out all the drawers and built them into the shape of the cross, showing how Jesus took them and we need to give them to Him. If we carry them they never get solved. Stop looking into the past and deciding who you are but pick up your Bible and see the promises and notes of affection which your Almighty Father has written for you; that He loves you unconditionally, that He will neither leave nor forsake you, that He is yours and you are His, that you are new. He will always love and will never abandon. And He believes in you because He knows He can do earth-shattering and incredible things through you.

You have a new possibility, a new beginning. but this is only possible through Christ at the cross. 

Stop Stressing.

I need to focus less on where I will be, more on how I want to see things and the more on becoming the  person I want to be. I need to focus more on who I am rather than where I am. Because wherever I am I will always be me but if I am not all there in heart, am I really there at all? What do I want the words "Vikki Smyth" to mean to people? And what do I want that girl to look like? 

Our Expectations...

When I came across this, although it doesn't sound too ground-breakingly philosophical, it hit me a lot. I usually have two visions of my life. The romantic dream version of it all and the utterly sacrificial one. Sometimes in my head although I have certain dreams and desires I usually over ride them with things I think I should be doing. Its so easy to think that as Christians our most effective way to live is in a mud hut in Africa. We sometimes view ourselves too much as the servant or slave of God and forget that we are also His child. Its important that we remember both our child and servant identity but we must obtain a balance. And believe me this is something I am in training for. Sometimes I feel that in order to best serve the kingdom I need to sell all my possessions, move to a third world country, be in a good mood all the time, never get angry or sad (simply not christian) and live the single life and travel round like Paul himself. These are all great things, but when we do this we are coming up with a picture of what WE think GOD WANTS. 

This is something I have been battling with all semester and have asked a lot of friends about; 

Do we actually have a choice in it all or are we just ticking the boxes of the checklist that is our lives? 

Does the Spirit have something to say about everything, and if He doesn't speak on something should we take it as a no and just not act?

Is our only true command to follow the Great Commission and as long as we are doing that then we are all good?

I believe we have a freewill, and that God has given us longings and desires which He gave us for a reason. He didn't give us a freewill just so He could look over our shoulder the entire time and then be the first to say "wow...I told you so". And I don't believe He would have given us desires and longings just so He could dangle them above our heads. God wants us to live a full and joyful life, He doesn't want us to live in regret or bitterness. But I am not saying that God will give you everything you want, believe me I am so thankful that God has decided to hold a lot of things I thought I wanted from me. The difficult truth for us to swallow is that; God's plan for us is far better than the one we have for ourselves. God wants us to be free in Him, not bound by a life long To-Do list. HE gave you the crazy dreams you have, and as long as those dreams are set to glorify Him, then He was the one who granted you them. Its all about Him, I was asked the question recently; "If it was just you and Jesus on a desert Island would you be happy?", I want to grow in my faith to the point where I can say with full confidence "Yes" without even hesitating because if we are truly honest with ourselves thats a difficult question to answer. God wants to bless you, not just save it all. Allow Him to. 

Funny How Things Work Right?

So, my last post was about risks right? Well listen up folks. Just be careful what you pray for :)

Today I got accepted onto camp teams at my school. Basically what this consists of is that I will be traveling over the states this coming summer with a group of three other people and visiting camps all over the US. This has been one of my biggest dreams and a lot of prayer has went into it. Originally I was so scared to apply for this. I had been rejected last year for different reasons and wasn't going to apply this year until some friends convinced me into it. I was so scared to feel this rejection and failure again. But something felt right about reapplying this year. I am going to get the opportunity to tell hundred of kids this summer about Jesus, His love and how real He is in not just my life but how real He can be in these kids' lives too. This entire day I have been speechless by the fact I get this opportunity.

But as I thought about this dream, it suddenly dawned on me that every dream comes at a cost. This will mean not seeing my family or country for over a year. It will mean spending another birthday away from them, ending my teenage years 4,000 miles from the place I was born. But when I thought of this more, how selfish it was of me to think this way. To think that my dreams would cost me nothing. I have always been known as a dreamer, the person who wanted to change the world from such a young age, who didn't even see the sky as the limit when there was still space beyond it. My Dad would and still does always tell me that nothing good comes easy. When I think about the person who is my number one fan it is completely him. This summer I am going to do something which I know I am meant for, but something that scares me beyond belief. Like I referred to in my last post, this is the place where I reach the end of my faith and say "God you better show up" or when I sit as His feet and say "God...I don't know if I can, I don't know If I'm strong enough". The beauty of it is that I am not strong enough, but there is someone strong enough who has my back. This next year isn't going to be easy, fact, but I know its going to be worth it, that a year in the grand scheme of things isn't long at all.

I am so excited by this opportunity. I can just tell that this summer is going to be a life-changing one, not only will I witness the lives of kids being totally transformed by Christ but in turn this summer will completely change me too. I will be with a team all summer, friendships will be developed, we will love each other then get sick of each other and then love each other all the more, we will laugh, shout cry. In reality, I have NO idea what God has in store this summer. All I know is that He is in control and thats something I need to be content with.

I still will hold onto my big dreams, knowing that if I truly want to pursue them, the cost may be large but the cost will be totally worth it.

Wannabe Risk Taker

Do you ever hear a church sermon or a talk which you feel is totally directed at you? As each word is said you get more and more red because you think the speaker has actually been spying on you and is about to reveal who this entire analogy is about.

    God uses these a lot on me, not because I require His undivided attention but because I don't take hints very well and need to be told things up front. And recently one thing which God has been putting on my heart is risk taking. Its so easy to think that Christians are the people who play it safe. But if you're doing it right, you shouldn't be safe at all. To be in the center of God's will is the best place to be, but it's not the safest. God may call you to be at risk physically, spiritually, emotionally or all three. I don't know about you but the most terrifying one of these for me is the emotionally at risk option. I'd take smuggling Bibles or getting arrested over getting hurt emotionally or getting my heart wounded any day.

    BANG. And God got through. 

   From the surface I looked like I was living a risk. Moving 4,000 miles from everything I have ever known and studying something which I have no idea how it will fit in my life. But inside I was playing it totally safe emotionally, getting invested enough but not immersing myself. Soon I will be taking a lot of risks in my life, stuff which is coming up and ...Im petrified. But its about time, because you don't experience the fullness of life when you sit on the fence and watch everyone else live their lives radically for Christ and to the fullest.

    Taking risks isn't an unwise thing. Not in the slightest. Its essential to living a full life. Failure isn't in failing but in not trying. I would rather be the "well, I learned from that" rather than the "what if..." type of girl. I was told recently that we should get to a point in our call where we are at the feet of God saying "... I can't". CONVICTION. Our call everyday is to walk to the end of our faith and say "God...You better show up". Again, CONVICTION. So I guess I need to think about putting this on my 19 before 20 list? All I am sure of is that hurt is inevitable, failure is compulsory and all you can do is live and learn. It's time to start following the gut thats got me this far, and continue to laugh and smile through this beautiful story which I just have to be gutsy enough to live to the fullest.